Come on! How can you not love this cheese?

Source: IGN

Official site of Zombieland here

Ok I’m trying my best to stay calm. 10, 9, 8, ….ok. Ok the first pictures of my precious Scarlett Johansson as the Black Widow (one of my favorite Marvel Femme Fatales) were released today.

Uh….I think “OH MY DEAR LORD! About covers it. I mean really this is just….wow.

It also turns out that Mickey Rouke has been given a lot of free reign with his character and Robert Downey Jr said….

OH MY DEAR LORD! Look at her! Ok sorry everyone just read the story here and let me know what you think about it. I need to go take a shower. Not to cool down mind you but to clean up.

TMI?

Paramount just released two more spots for G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, coming to theaters on August 7. The film will focus on...what the hell? Who am I kidding? No cares about this movie! Well yeah I suppose there are a few people (maybe 7) that do care but those people don't care about a plot. Plots are so distracting with all the talking and stuff. Let's just watch stuff blow up.

Morons.

But hey if you still want to see the two new spots check them out here and here.

moron

By the way I was going to just embed the vids but apparently they don't want the trailers to "get out" because let's face it, the more people that see the trailers the less people that will show up to see it.

Variety reported that Harry Potter The Half-Blood Prince had a big midnight opening. So big in fact that it done broke record. Welllll doggie.

In a massive start, Warner Bros.’ “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” easily scored the biggest midnight gross of all-time in earning $22.2 million as it unspooled in 3,003 runs at 12:01 a.m. Wednesday.

That figure beats the $18 million earned in midnight runs by Warners’ very own “The Dark Knight” and the $17 million earned by 20th Century Fox’s “Star Wars: Episode III —Revenge of the Sith.”

“Half-Blood Prince” opens in the same Wednesday slot that “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix” did in 2007. “Order of the Phoenix” grossed $12 million in midnight runs on its way to a $139.7 million five-day debut.

I have no idea why I was just talking like Jed Clampett.

The good folks at Empire posted production stills of the upcoming Alice in Wonderland directed by Tim Burton. The pics don't look half bad but I'm more excited about Burton's upcoming animated flick 9 than I am this. Of course that maybe due to the fact that if I see Johnny Depp star in another Burton film there is a very good chance I will cry. Like a baby. For at least 8 minutes.

Oh yeah click here to see all the pics over at Empire.

Moron Michael Bay's Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen (oooo scary) broke 700 million this week according to comingsoon.net.

Dropping two spots to third, Michael Bay's Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen earned another $24.2 million in its third weekend for a domestic total of $339.2 million. The sequel has passed the $319 million total of 2007's Transformers and is easily the No. 1 movie of the year domestically so far. Internationally, the Paramount/DreamWorks release has reached $364.5 million, just $24.5 million shy of the original's entire overseas gross. "Revenge of the Fallen" surpassed the $700 million mark and now stands at $703.7 million. The first Transformers earned $708.3 million worldwide.

You know what really sucks? Five dollars of that is mine. I ended up going to see it with a friend. I equate it to watching open heart surgery on the Discovery channel. You don't want to see it. You know you won't like it. But you still watch it so you can tell everyone how bad it was. That's how I would describe Transformers 2, which just broke 700 million. 700 million! Frikkin' moron Michael Bay! WTF!

In a related story I'm going to splurge today and eat at Chick-Fli-A. Ha! Who's the moron now!

According to Variety Jodie Foster will be directing Mel Gibson in a movie called The Beaver.

Mel Gibson will star in "The Beaver" for director Jodie Foster.

The script, written by Kyle Killen, topped the Blacklist in December.

Gibson will play a depressed man who finds solace in wearing a beaver hand-puppet. On top of helming, Foster will play the role of the man’s wife.

If only I had a nickel for everytime I pretended my had was a beaver when I was feeling down.

Uh...wait. I mean...no that's what I meant actually.

I had heard a few months back that Natalie Portman would be in the new Thor movie. Well guess what? Now it's official!

Natalie Portman is starring as Jane Foster, the Thunder God’s love interest. In the original comics the character was a nurse who worked for Dr. Donald Blake, a regular old cripple who sometimes turned into Thor. - CHUD

[From Marvel’s press release] Marvel Studios expands its film universe with a new type of superhero: THOR. This epic adventure spans the Marvel Universe; from present day Earth to the realm of Asgard. At the center of the story is The Mighty Thor, a powerful but arrogant warrior whose reckless actions reignite an ancient war. Thor is cast down to Earth and forced to live among humans as punishment. Once here, Thor learns what it takes to be a true hero when the most dangerous villain of his world sends the darkest forces of Asgard to invade Earth.

I gotta say, this Thor movie is really starting to piss me off. I don’t give a rat’s ass about Thor. If you came up to me asking for the ass of a rat I would say sure. But if you told me that the rat’s ass was for Thor I would say no way. That’s how I feel about Thor.

Yet this movie has Kenneth Branagh as the director. I love Kenneth Branagh. I would give him a rat’s ass in a second.

Now I hear Natalie Portman has been cast! My sweet Natalie. So pretty.

But this still doesn’t mean this movie won’t suck. Even though Kenneth Branagh rocks and Portman is beautiful and talented this is Thor we’re talking about. Plus Kenneth Branagh and Portman don’t have the best of track records. Let’s not forget about Branagh’s Frankenstein and the last Star Wars movies.

Variety has reported that Ryan Reynolds will play the Green Lantern.

Warner Bros. Pictures has hired X-Men Origins: Wolverine and The Proposal star
Ryan Reynolds to play the title role in the anticipated Green Lantern, scheduled
for a June 17, 2011 release.

Based on the DC Comics hero, the
action-adventure will be directed by Martin Campbell (Casino Royale, GoldenEye)
and produced by Donald De Line and Greg Berlanti. Berlanti wrote the script with
Marc Guggenheim and Michael Green.

The Hollywood trades say that
Reynolds and his camp entered negotiations for the part Friday, after the studio
held two rounds of screen tests, along with actors Bradley Cooper and Jared
Leto. Justin Timberlake also did a screen test. The studio had holding options
on the actors, but, except for Reynolds, those expired Monday. Reynolds' option
would have expired end of day Friday.

Production is expected to begin in
January.

The "Green Lantern" was created in 1940 by writer Bill Finger
and artist Martin Nodell. Introduced in 1959, Hal Jordan is a second-generation
test pilot, an ordinary man who was given the power ring and battery (lantern)
by a dying alien named Abin Sur. When Abin Sur's spaceship crashed on Earth, the
alien used his ring to seek out an individual to take his place as Green
Lantern: someone who was "utterly honest and born without fear."

Reynolds will be the only actor to have played heroes for both Marvel
and DC. He recently starred in Fox's "Wolverine," in which he played Wade
Wilson/Deadpool. The character is now being developed for a spin-off to which
Reynolds is attached. He also played Hannibal King in Blade: Trinity.

Wow first I thought they were going to cast Bradley Cooper, then I heard that they may ass rape Green Lantern by casting Justin Timberlake but this is actually pretty good news for the movie. I really like Ryan Reynolds. Even though he did marry Scarlett Johansson...yeah...he...married...her.

Nevermind what I just said. I hate Ryan Reynolds. Hate him I say. Besides the Green Lantern is lame anyway. I mean his weakness is the color yellow for crying out loud! YELLOW!

I almost posted this under the title Megan Fox is school girl but even I'm not that much of a whore. Am I?

Anyway above is the poster for the upcoming Megan Fox movie Jennifer’s Body. Meh. I appreciate the effort they are putting into to this, and by effort I mean they are selling the movie based on the hotness of Megan Fox. Plus I am really digging the 80’s vibe of the poster and the movie itself.

Ah, the 80’s were such a decadent and lavish time for horror movies. Every movie had boobs, blood, and bad jokes. *sniff* they just don’t make ‘em like that anymore.

But back to my point this movie looks like it’s giving a wink and nod to cheese fest of the 80’s and that is scores cool points with me. I can’t wait to see it...6 months from now…on Showtime at 1 in the morning.

Thanks to bloodydisgusting

Although it is still in the rumor phase I still thought it was important to mention that Ain't it Cool News is reporting that Justin Timberlake is being considered for director Martin Campbell's Green Lantern movie.

Got an unconfirmed rumor that at Leavesden Studios - there's been some Warner Bros. screen testing on GREEN LANTERN and that Justin Timberlake was suiting up for the test. That does not mean that JT is going to be Hal Jordan, but just that he's one of the guys that they've been seriously considering for the role of our Emerald Knight.

I fully admit I'm not the Green Lantern's biggest fan and by "biggest fan" I mean I really don't like the character. But come on! He doesn't deserve this shit! Justin Timberlake. Justing frikkin' Timberlake? Rumor or not that is just wrong.

Question: What does this post have to do with movies?
Answer: Nothing
Question: Will this post make you happier than sliding down a rainbow?
Answer: Hell yeah

For those of you who don't know Olivia Munn (the hot chick in the video below) was my geek crush of 2008 and is rapidly climbing my list of people to do. Not only is she hot but she's also pretty darn funny. I mean come on how many chicks dress up as Link, read Y the last man and appreciate the word c-nt?

But aside from "the Munn factor", I also a fan of the Attack of the Show (AOTS) and posting this video is just my little way of honoring their 1000th episode, which was celebrated yesterday. So in honor of AOTS and "the Munn" I give you "video game girl", which was written by Parry Gripp of Nerd Herder fame.

Video Game - E3 2009 - Attack of the Show

Hey Michael Moore has a new documentry coming out. I didn't mention it before because it didn't have a name. But guess what now it does so I can formally introduce you two.

Sexy Hollywoodjerk reader meet Michael Moore's new documentry, Capitalism: A Love Story

Now I'll let Mikey Moore tell you why he chose the title in his own words.

"It will be the perfect date movie," said Moore. "It's got it all -- lust, passion, romance, and 14,000 jobs being eliminated every day. It's a forbidden love, one that dare not speak its name. Heck, let's just say it: It's Capitalism."

He is being sarcastic...right?

Oh wait. Yep he is. Glad I cleared that one up. .

Oh yeah so much for not talking about a documentry being named huh?

There isn't that much of a difference between this trailer and the red band trailer I posted a couple days ago. So why am I posting it you ask? Simple because I love you guys and I know you love Megan Fox.

Not buying that huh?

Ok fine it's a slow day and it was either this or I talk about documentry getting a title.

Yahoo! has a trailer up for the upcoming sci-fi District 9 and I have to admit it looks pretty nifty. Peter Jackson has stamped his name on it although I'm not really sure what he's doing for the film because Neill Blomkamp (who?) is directing it.



The premise is that aliens, the outerspace kind, have all converged to South Africa as refugees. It's pretty obvious they are playing on the premise that people shun whoever (or whatever) is different from their own and that we should try and understand one another blah blah blah.



Whatever dude tell that to Scarlett Johansson. Three years 4598 letters and 8923 emails and not one single response. HA! Are we so different Scarlett? Why don't you try to learn a lesson from District 9 and simply reach out. Instead of being such a stuck up snob.



Wait.



Oh God I'm sorry I didn't mean it. I've been under a ..... awww damn you Peter Jackson!

Big Fan has been creating a buzz and it's easy to see why. It stars Patton Oswald (the guy from Comedy Central and King of Queens) and is directed by Rob Siegel (the guy who wrote The Wrestler). Besides this being a kick ass movie I also felt obligated to post this to counteract The Collector trailer.

Anyway it's the story of a die-hard, live with his mom New York Giants fan who has his ass beat by the player he loves. I know it may sound like a comedy at first but trust me it's not. It looks really damn good and I have the movie geek boner to prove it.

Trailer below

Marcus Dunstan wrote Saw IV, V, and VI, which didn't just kill the series but pissed all over the grave. All joking aside I didn't even know that a Saw VI existed until about 3 months ago when I happened to catch it on Showtime or something.

Anyway the point being the movies sucked and I dare anyone to tell me what happened in what movie because like an actual trainwreck these sequels all run together and cause a gruesome experience for whoever looks at it.

So with that being said, Marcus Dunstan is now making his directorial debut. Oh and guees what? Yep that's right it's about a serial killer that blah blah blah elaborate blah blah and blah.

To me buying a ticket and watching this movie would be like choosing between being ass-raped by a midget or losing an arm. Either way I would be scarred for life.

Watch the lame ass trailer below if you hate yourself.

In the upcoming film Brothers Tobey Maguire is a soldier who goes off to war and is thought to be killed in action. So his brother played by Jake Gyllenhaal comforts his wife played by Natalie Portman who is currently #6 on my people to do list.

Anyway so while Jake is comforting his brother's wife he also decides to nail her. Hey you gotta give the guy credit. If my brother's wife looked like Natalie Portman I don't think I would wait until he was dead. In fact I would probably do her on the table at Thanksgiving while giving a thumbs up. But I digress.

Anyway everything is going A-OK until it is discovered that soilder boy is not dead. In fact his little bug eyed ass is on his way back home. Needless to say he now known as Captain Cockblock and decides to put a turd in everyone's punch bowl.

Overall the movie really doesn't look that bad. I mean besides the "Portman factor" it also has Gyllenhaal who I have always liked. Face it the dude has a great look, charisma and can frikkin' act.

In a related story his sister blows.

Jennifer's Body stars Megan Fox.

Do I really have to continue? Ok ok fine. The movie is about a hot chick that is actually a demon. Wow what a far fetched and imaginative idea, hot chicks are actually demons. What will they think up next? Maybe a story about race cars being fast? VVROOM!

Ladies and gentleman this is not just a random post. Oh no. This is a collection of Nicolas Cage's finest (and I mean finest) moments from the horror classic the Wickerman.

The Academy should have created a super sized Oscar with giant balls encrusted in diamonds and gave it to him for this performance. Whether he's punching women or dressing in a bear suit this performance will never be topped. Never.

I will be the first to admit I keep having high hopes for Inglorious Basterds. Don't ask me why (because I don't know) but I think this could be a really fun movie. Fun as in the senseless violence kind of fun. You know sorta like when you are really kicking as at Halo?

Anyway as I was saying I hope the movie doesn't suck and this French version of the trailer gives a little validity to my blind hope.

**Spoiler** This trailer actually focuses on the plot instead of Brad Pitt. Go figure right?

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